Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
