if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
