I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
