does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
