I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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