This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Pants are for mortals
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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