new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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