Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You have to summon your inner elephant
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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