If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
