I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
