and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
