I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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