the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
