It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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