Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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