last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
