She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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