OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
