Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
