I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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