thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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