Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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