i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
