Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
