you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize