I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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