I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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