he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
