I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
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