What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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