Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(201): View more from New Jersey

and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.

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(519): View more from Ontario

I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?

(609): View more from New Jersey

And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH

(781): View more from Massachusetts

I love boston

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21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
Read it at the TFLN blog
(405): View more from Oklahoma

She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.

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(702): View more from Nevada

It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?

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(631): View more from New York

A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread

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