No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
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