Texts From Last Night

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  (812): View more from Indiana

  can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?

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  (812): can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex? http://tfl.nu/5ngg
  Replies (10) Good night (3254) Bad night (660)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.

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  (401): They should make Glad Forceflex condoms. http://tfl.nu/qnot
  Replies (12) Good night (5805) Bad night (738)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...

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  (828): finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night... http://tfl.nu/doej
  Replies (12) Good night (644) Bad night (4603)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me

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  (913): the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me http://tfl.nu/ze1e
  Replies (17) Good night (4208) Bad night (1251)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes

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  (540): all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes http://tfl.nu/yixn
  Replies (34) Good night (8246) Bad night (1259)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  The police scanner is talking about you again....

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  (712): The police scanner is talking about you again.... http://tfl.nu/f6sk
  Replies (17) Good night (8672) Bad night (1377)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.

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  (703): This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar. http://tfl.nu/4fqp
  Replies (9) Good night (2479) Bad night (891)
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  (310): View more from California

  His dick was poking my bladder. That big...

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  (310): His dick was poking my bladder. That big... http://tfl.nu/xupw
  Replies (34) Good night (7670) Bad night (1413)
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  (212): View more from New York

  Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.

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  (212): Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many. http://tfl.nu/dbug
  Replies (25) Good night (1453) Bad night (3565)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.

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  (206): I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well. http://tfl.nu/k69f
  Replies (3) Good night (2422) Bad night (611)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.

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  (630): Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus. http://tfl.nu/ls1i
  Replies (4) Good night (1908) Bad night (1090)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?

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  (913): Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying? http://tfl.nu/uitc
  Replies (7) Good night (851) Bad night (1742)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.

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  (413): I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened. http://tfl.nu/qzdq
  Replies (10) Good night (2638) Bad night (1045)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.

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  (214): White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs. http://tfl.nu/ocpx
  Replies (6) Good night (648) Bad night (234)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.

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  (206): No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you. http://tfl.nu/9dg7
  Replies (2) Good night (1112) Bad night (260)

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