So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
