Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.

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  (248): I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard. http://tfl.nu/wcz2
  Replies (2) Good night (1401) Bad night (523)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  How unfortunate for your Mom.

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  (847): My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein. (1-847): How unfortunate for your Mom. http://tfl.nu/e7p2
  Replies (33) Good night (758) Bad night (3742)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.

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  (602): I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him. http://tfl.nu/z2qj
  Replies (28) Good night (4511) Bad night (684)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.

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  (503): So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video. http://tfl.nu/od0z
  Replies (17) Good night (4906) Bad night (724)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge

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  (505): I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge http://tfl.nu/o9mq
  Replies (12) Good night (628) Bad night (6403)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons

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  (720): we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons http://tfl.nu/079e
  Replies (4) Good night (4894) Bad night (619)
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  (631): View more from New York

  There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12

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  (631): There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12 http://tfl.nu/d4y2
  Replies (27) Good night (5192) Bad night (1577)
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  (510): View more from California

  And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"

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  (510): And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work" http://tfl.nu/x4nq
  Replies (40) Good night (853) Bad night (10681)
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  (516): View more from New York

  She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass

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  (516): She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass http://tfl.nu/tdnt
  Replies (18) Good night (7324) Bad night (1362)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up

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  (905): She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up http://tfl.nu/duhi
  Replies (25) Good night (4203) Bad night (1179)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics

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  (302): You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics http://tfl.nu/cuw1
  Replies (2) Good night (3646) Bad night (701)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.

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  (314): Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American. http://tfl.nu/y4zk
  Replies (8) Good night (2855) Bad night (884)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made

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  (713): Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made http://tfl.nu/mjv4
  Replies (3) Good night (2088) Bad night (624)
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  (315): View more from New York

  I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on

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  (315): I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on http://tfl.nu/7hrd
  Replies (3) Good night (669) Bad night (397)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle

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  (405): he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle http://tfl.nu/f8qt
  Replies (6) Good night (302) Bad night (859)

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