Texts From Last Night

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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails

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  (704): she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails http://tfl.nu/8gop
  Replies (9) Good night (568) Bad night (4094)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.

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  (520): I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless. http://tfl.nu/n39p
  Replies (36) Good night (1103) Bad night (2958)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.

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  (901): She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A. http://tfl.nu/01sf
  Replies (43) Good night (1880) Bad night (5748)
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  (716): View more from New York

  Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?

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  (716): Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed? http://tfl.nu/24fj
  Replies (28) Good night (6563) Bad night (1457)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.

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  (757): i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone. http://tfl.nu/mzb6
  Replies (7) Good night (1463) Bad night (2786)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes

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  (+44): what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes http://tfl.nu/x7um
  Replies (7) Good night (3352) Bad night (1227)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth

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  (303): That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth http://tfl.nu/ml2x
  Replies (7) Good night (1111) Bad night (3924)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.

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  (704): I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month. http://tfl.nu/869w
  Replies (3) Good night (2205) Bad night (829)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing

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  (404): I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing http://tfl.nu/nbfy
  Replies (25) Good night (908) Bad night (1497)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"

  (239): View more from Florida

  I am the fairy godmother of the drink.

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  (724): I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED" (239): I am the fairy godmother of the drink. http://tfl.nu/ryur
  Replies (3) Good night (2295) Bad night (704)
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  (980): View more from North Carolina

  Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo

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  (980): Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo http://tfl.nu/82bd
  Replies (1) Good night (975) Bad night (416)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.

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  (202): He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left. http://tfl.nu/yd2u
  Replies (8) Good night (393) Bad night (1308)
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  (858): View more from California

  He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"

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  (858): He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup" http://tfl.nu/blqz
  Replies (2) Good night (858) Bad night (331)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.

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  (727): He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest. http://tfl.nu/r7wh
  Replies (3) Good night (299) Bad night (709)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?

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  (850): I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...? http://tfl.nu/1yog
  Replies (3) Good night (654) Bad night (310)

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