someone get that fucking seahorse.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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