But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize