So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
