I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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