my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
