Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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