If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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