wrigley field is MILF paradise
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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