I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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