Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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