The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
