I think my fart just growled at me.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
