Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
