woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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