Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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