i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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