I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I stole a fireplace last night.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
