Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
