Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
