Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
