lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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