i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
