the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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