i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She bit a glass in half.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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