Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
