I feel great
I just peed on a car
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
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I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
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I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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