Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Congratulations! We have a period
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
