remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
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I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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