Having a random hookup so left but love u
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
